A housekeeper named Luz

During my stay in the hospital I've met many people but there is one person who really stands out; a housekeeper named Luz Savala.  


In my situation, the cleanliness of my environment is paramount because my new immune system is not yet functioning.  The proactive medications I am given, my personal habits, and the cleanliness of my environment are my "armor" so to speak.  I rely on housekeeping to do a good job and ensure that this part of my protection is solid. It is not without interest that I watch the housekeepers who clean my room.  


On most days I have the privilege having Luz do my housekeeping.  From the first day I met her I liked her.  She knocks, enters with a smile, greets me kindly, and then begins her careful work.  As she works, we often have an opportunity to talk.  In order for me to fully understand her, I have to listen very closely -- Luz is originally from Mexico and she speaks in broken English.


During our conversations I have learned several things about Luz.  First, she is a mother of six and has one child, a daughter, who was stricken with Leukemia (my disease is very similar).  Luz is fully aware of the importance of a clean environment for patients like me.  In fact, she told me that she would clean her daughter's room very carefully every single day as her daughter battled the disease (her daughter is a survivor!).  Luz also shared with me that she works 6 and even 7 days a week in order support her family and assist in the payments of her daughter's medicals bills.


When I encounter a woman like Luz I am inspired.  She does not complain -- she works.  She does not give up or give in because her love is too great and her character too strong.  Today Luz shared with me that years ago she became a US citizen.  In my estimation, she is precisely the sort of citizen we need.


Happy Thanksgiving Luz!  I am thankful for you!


Side Note:  My blog now has 4 followers!  Thanks Becca, Susie, Shiela, and Coffee Chick!

Peeking Out the Window

Exercise Bands... woo hoo!

Right now I am sitting in my 3rd floor room at PSL and I can see the tops of trees still adorning a few remaining leaves, blues skies, the top of a pine tree, and various adornments of hospital roof top equipment (vents, generator, pipes).  If I crane my head around I can see other parts of the hospital including the multi-level parking lot.  Doesn't sound interesting?  Well, it beats being in a room and confined to a single fifty-foot corridor (my gymnasium).

Chemotherapy begins... what's ahead?

These first several days have been a wild ride.  There is so much to tell and I just don't have the energy to do so.  However, here are a few highlights.

1. I made it through all my chemotherapy regimen
2. My counts (white blood cell counts) are at zero.  That means my body is no longer capable producing the components of my immune system.  I am therefore carefully guarded and proactively treated with antibiotics, antivirals, and antifungals.
3. I have had the stem cell transplant (11/18).  Right now my  new blood making capability is in its infancy.  The stem cells are finding their homes and will eventually begin multiplying and generating blood cells.
4. The bone marrow (stem cell) drive was a success.  Thanks to all those who volunteered to help.  If I understand right, over 60 people signed up for the registry; more lives given a second chance!
5. I got my FIRST OFFICIAL follower of this blog!!!!

I wanted to thank everyone who has visited http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mikewdoucette and left notes for me.  That has been extremely encouraging an uplifting.  Members of my family have cried when they've read your words.  You have touched us in so many ways.

I will write more when I can.

Ask and you shall receive ...

It is time for me to be very honest.  Not only has this has been a year of physical challenges, but spiritual as well.  I don't know exactly when it started, but I have had a growing sense of discontentment with myself and the life I have been living.  Don't get me wrong, there are many wonderful things in my life.  I have an amazing family and many wonderful friends.  I have a good career and I live comfortably.  Until recently, I have been very healthy.  But there is more to the story.  I have always seen a divide between the man I am and the man I ought to be.  Many years ago I posed a question to a young married Sunday school class.  I asked, "how do we bridge the gap between the people we are and the people God made us to be?"  Clearly I struggled with this problem back then as well.  


At some point in the last several months I cried out to God, "Please God, change me and open a door to a life that is meaningful and pleasing to you.  Show me in some undeniable way that you are there and you are with me.  I am tired of this status quo existence and I am tired of my inability to transform into a truly godly man.  I don't know what I am doing wrong and I don't know how to change.  My repeated attempts have left me broken inside. You are my guiding light, my refuge, and my strength.  Mold me Lord into a man that honors you in all I do."


Despite my weakness, the following verse offered me hope.

Matthew 5:6

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 

I suppose I could say, 'be careful what you ask for.'  This year as you know, I noticed something was wrong.  When I finally got around to seeing the doctor, I found out how wrong things were.  I was diagnosed with a life threatening disease called myelodysplastic syndrome.    


It felt like my world was shaken by a powerful earthquake.  Everything that was built solidly or of real value stood; everything else was laid to waste.  For the first time in my life, I felt like I could not rally, set goals, apply myself and overcome.  I was faced with something that required help from God, family, friends, doctors, nurses, and a donor.  Even then, I had to acknowledge that there was a real possibility that everyone could do the right things and yet I could still be seeing my last days.  I said to one of my friends, "Things become much clearer when you are standing one-hundred feet from the Pearly Gates."


Here are some verses that come to mind.

Matthew 22:36-40 - Love

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Mark 8:34-35 - Selflessness

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ³⁵ For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it.  

Matthew 6:19-21 - True treasure

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:14-15  - Forgiveness

¹⁴ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Romans 1:16-17 - Gospel of Christ

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. ¹⁷ For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”

Starting on July 15th I started to receive bad news.  At first it seemed like it could be something manageable but day after day bad news came in and I began to wonder if the end was a forgone conclusion.  The first news was that I had an obvious issue with the production of blood.  It could be many things from a nutritional problem (unlikely) to various forms of  cancer.  We hoped and prayed it was something simple.  Next, we learned that it was most likely leukemia, myelodysplastic syndrome, or aplastic anemia.  A bone marrow biopsy showed increased levels of blast cells in my marrow and a genetic mutation.  With all that taken into account, my diagnosis was confirmed -- myelodysplastic syndrome.  


I met with my oncologist and learned how to categorize the disease and determine my prognosis.  A person with MDS can be put into one of four categories: low, intermediate one, intermediate two or high.  I consulted a chart, looked at my test results and categorized myself as either intermediate two or high.  I consulted another chart and learned that my life expectancy was anywhere from three months to just over a year.


Before continuing, I want to step back to July 17th.  On July 17th I went to the gym and worked out.  In the back of my mind I wondered how my blood tests would turn out, but I wasn't too concerned.  After my workout I went to Starbucks and got I coffee and talked to many of my friends (and snapped a picture of Maryanne Mentz and her friend).

Maryanne, her friend, and my reflection

I then went home and got ready to go to a movie with Jordan.  I showered, shaved, and got dressed.  I remember that I had a wrist band on for CIY (Christ in Youth); it was a reminder to pray for Jordan and the other kids attending a retreat.  The event had ended and I thought it was time to take the wrist band off.  I opened a drawer, saw my LiveStrong wristband and put it on.  Two minutes later the phone rang -- it was a doctor from Quest Diagnostics who read the results of my blood test.  He was very concerned, asked me a series of questions, told me to take it very easy and go to the emergency room immediately if I began to feel poorly (i.e. fever) or bleed.  My entire family was within earshot when I took the call so I had no choice but to spill the beans.  We were all completely stunned.


We kept the news to ourselves that day.  We did not want to alarm anyone until we had more information.  The next day at church I decided to confide in one person.  I spoke to my good friend Shawn Wells, explained what was happening, and asked him to pray.  As we talked, another dear friend came by and said that she had urgent news she wanted to share with me. This woman is deeply spiritual, completely authentic, and someone I truly respect.  After I was done speaking with Shawn, I immediately sought her out.  The news she gave me was so powerful and so encouraging that I hold onto it to this day.


She told me that she been at the gym the same day I was.  For some reason she felt the need to pray, closed her eyes and did so.  When she opened her eyes she saw me talking to someone and she saw an angel there with me.  She told me that she has seen angels before but most often God told her that what she saw was for her alone.  For some reason the circumstances were different this time -- God impressed upon her to share what she had seen and deliver the message that He was there protecting me.  She knew nothing about my circumstances (we didn't know much either) and yet provided me with the most timely and powerful encouragement I could possibly receive.  My eyes immediately welled up with tears, I kept my composure long enough to say, "I need to go", and I quickly found a place where I could quietly and privately handle a building storm of emotions.  My body shook and the tears began streaming down my face.  I tried as best as I could to subdue the sobs forcing their way out.  For several minutes I contemplated what I had heard the previous day and the message I had just received.  Had God heard my prayer?  Had God decided not only to show himself to me in a powerful way, give me new strength, and put a major obstacle in my path that only he and I together could negotiate?  I believed that he had.  The transformation I had begged God for months before began that day.   

Luke 11:9-10

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ¹⁰ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

A Peaceful Saturday - Part III

Visiting our old neighborhood brings back many memories and I find it curious the things I recall.  Rather than bore you with every detail, I will share some of the more interesting highlights.

Ridgeview Hills Town Homes

When we first arrived in Colorado, we lived in the Ridgeview Hills Town Homes on Hindsdale Place.  I believe we stayed in the town homes for about 6 months during the construction of our home on Fairfax Court.  The town home was the site at which I convinced my brother Steve to say a naughty word and later threatened to tell my parents that he said it.  His logic and reasoning somehow was underdeveloped at the time (he was 4 years old) as he was unable to figure out that I had said the forbidden word several times in the process of coaxing it out of him.  I am pleased to say that this trickery no longer works with Steve.  I am also pleased to say that my sense of right and wrong has developed significantly since then and I no longer tempt children into saying what ought not be said.

Lewis Ames Elementary

The town homes were also home base for my first experiences at Lewis Ames Elementary.  I don't know how I managed it, but I was an outsider from the beginning.  Perhaps it was the fact that I lived in Illinois the year before and relationships were formed during kindergarten.  Perhaps it was the difference in preparation I received; I could tell immediately that the other kids were accustomed to the environment and beyond me academically.  You may wonder why I came to that conclusion.  Well, there are two crucial pieces of evidence.  My first report card was covered with the letter "N" which indicated either Not Satisfactory or perhaps Needs Improvement.  Second, after receiving these stellar marks, I was given a small notebook that I toted to and from school every day.  In that notebook, my first grade teacher (Ms. Gough) recorded how I had behaved.  Poor Ms. Gough, I must have been a handful.  I wonder if she ever thought that I would go on to receive two bachelors degrees, a masters degree, and be a patent holder for a software invention.


Here is an excerpt from the notebook I took to and from school each day.

"Mike was good today.  He is excited because he thinks his bike restriction will be lifted.  I hope so because it is so pretty."   Ms. Gough, 5-21-71

Please note, the above excerpt is by no means representative of the contents of said notebook.  Adjectives such as fussy, excited, talkative, upset, active, and silly were much more common than the term good.


Here is a much more typical excerpt from my first grade notebook.

"Mike was quite active today.  He needed calming down on numerous occasions.  He got into fussing with several near him and had to be sent to his seat ..."  Ms. Gough, 5-24-71

Despite the best efforts of my teachers, I did pick up one habit that I just recently  conquered -- nail biting.  I tried very hard to funnel my energy into my school work and behave.  I tried not to be disruptive but my energy had to go somewhere.  Well, guess where it went?  It went to gnawing on my finger nails relentlessly.  How did I overcome this nasty habit at the age of forty-six?  Well, I figured out that the best way for me to get an infection (something I am now prone to), was to incessantly chew my nails.  Problem solved.  Illness can stop a smoker from smoking and a biter from biting.

[Leave a comment and tell me your thoughts]

An Unexpected Visit

Like Hugging a Man of Steel!

Friday night I was prepared to spend alone.  Jordan had a church retreat, Katie was spending the weekend with cousins and Lisa provided transportation.  Earlier in the day I said goodbye to my sister Shiela and her husband Mark.  Mark was in town to deliver a presentation at the Colorado School of Mines and Shiela took advantage of the opportunity to visit.  We had such a great visit and it was hard to see them go.


Once the house was empty, I heated up some left overs and sat down on my favorite chair in front of the TV.  It must have been a long day because it didn't take long and I was asleep.  After a quick cat nap I sat around watching TV and looking forward to Lisa's return.  Around 7:00 PM the doorbell rang and I answered.  Standing on my front porch were three people; two I knew well, and one I knew from reputation alone.  The two I knew well were my good friends Cameron and Tracy Bodner.  The other visitor was James "Flex" Lewis, one of the top bodybuilders in the world.


I invited them in and Flex gave me a big hug.  We immediately began discussing my disease and how it has affected me.  We also discussed the dream that I would one day be healthy and able to compete one last time.  You might be wondering why I would ever push my body to the extremes that bodybuilding requires.  I will, but only with the blessings of my doctors and for a very specific purpose  -- I would love to show other people suffering from Myelodysplastic Syndrome (MDS) and Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML), that there is hope of recovery and potential for a very healthy future.

Believe to Achieve!

Flex listened and then said with a big smile, "Believe and achieve!"  We talked about many things, snapped several pictures, and Flex gave me signed copies of a photo and DVD (which I watched that night).

A Special Friday Night

When they finally had to go, I felt honored and encouraged.  I also had seen how a young man can be so far beyond his years in terms of maturity and compassion.  Finally, I was so thankful for the love and kindness Cameron and Tracy showed.  To even think of the idea to arrange the meeting, was simply wonderful.  I will remember the day for as long as I live.  It's not so much meeting a celebrity like a professional bodybuilder, as seeing the love and kindness poured out by three very special people.

Matthew 25:40

Close Encounters of the Dog Kind

I'll be taking a brief interlude from my series of posts about my Saturday trip to my old neighborhood. Today I want to talk about an encounter I had with a couple dogs on my daily walk.

Since my MDS diagnosis, my primary form of exercise is walking. I have several routes of varying distances to choose from. I choose my route based on time constraints, weather, and how I feel. Given the right circumstances I will walk 4-5 miles per day.

Yesterday I took my favorite route. I walk from my house to the Trails Recreation Center and back. Along the way I encounter many barking dogs. Normally the dogs are behind fences and no threat to me. However, when I was about 1/2 mile from my house, I came across two dogs that were loose along my path.

The first dog was small, timid, and no apparent threat to me. It peeked its head over a hill, barked at me, but kept its distance. It turns out that dog had a friend -- a far bigger and more aggressive friend. That dog came over the hill and immediately began trotting toward me. You may be thinking, 'the dog probably was just curious or wanting attention.' That may be true but consider my circumstances. I have a blood disease that has drastically lowered my platelet count. That means that if I am bitten and start to bleed, it can be difficult to stop the bleeding. In addition, I have lowered red blood cell counts. That means that my body is inefficient at transporting oxygen. Whenever, I do anything even moderately physical, I immediately go into oxygen deficit. So, if the dog was aggressive, I would only be capable of defending myself for a short time. Finally, my disease lowers my white blood cell counts. If I am bitten, the likelihood of infection is far higher. So, when I saw this dog moving rapidly toward me I felt the adrenaline surge and I immediately had to take some sort of action.

At the time I noticed the larger dog, it was probably 30-40 feet from me. I was walking along Orchard Road and there was a fair amount of traffic. I needed to create a reason for the dog to lose interest in me. I saw that the oncoming traffic was fairly close, but not so close that I couldn't dash to the median half way across the street. I knew that running from a dog wasn't the best way to deter an attack and might even encourage it, but I felt that there was another deterrent that might help -- the oncoming traffic. I dashed across the street to the median and looked back to see what the dog was doing. Thankfully, the dog had stopped right at the edge of the road and was indeed flustered by cars that slowed to a stop a few feet from where the dog was standing. Without delay, I checked the westbound traffic to see if it was safe to continue from the median to the other side of the street. I let a few cars pass and then continued on my way.

The two cars that had stopped were apparently concerned about the dogs. They parked, got out of their cars and tried to handle the situation. I'm not exactly sure what they did, I simply continued on my way, wondering what I might do if this happened again.

I spoke to my sister about the incident and she recommended two things; pepper pray and a 5-iron. So far I am equipped with pepper spray but I am most definitely considering something similar to a 5-iron as well.

If you have dogs, please don't let them run loose. There are kids, people like me, and others that really would rather not have a nasty encounter with a dog. I can tell you right now, if a dog shows anything I can construe as aggression, it's going to get ugly (and I dearly love dogs).

A Peaceful Saturday - Part II

Medema Park

Having had a good lunch I felt energized and ready to go. As I fired up the Explorer and pulled out of our driveway, I was cognizant of the fact that I had hardly driven in 3 months. With that in mind I told myself, 'drive carefully.' As I was leaving my neighborhood I couldn't help but take in the beautiful fall day. The sky was cloudless and an intense blue, and the trees were displaying amazing fall colors like proud peacocks. I took a deep breath, my soul whispered 'thank you' and I continued on my way.

My drive takes me west on Orchard Road, south on Parker, and then west again on Arapahoe. As I drive westward the Rockies are in fully view and standing out majestically against the cloudless Colorado sky. As I pass I-25 and Arapahoe I miss my friends at work. I have spent the last decade working with a group of people who have been like brothers and sisters to me. In fact, I have spent more time with them then just about anyone else. Like brothers and sisters we have had our disagreements, been angry with one another, celebrated great successes, commiserated failures, laughed incessantly, supported one another, played together, prayed together, and just about any other thing you can imagine. From the time I knew I had a serious health problem, my friends at work have been there.

Our Favorite Winter Sledding Spot

As I continue down Arapahoe Road, memories flood my mind; some of them good, some not so good. Before long I approach Holy Street and turn south toward Dry Creek Road. When I was a young man, this area was either part of a farmer's wheat field or undeveloped land. During the summer we played in the fields or traversed them to go to King Soopers, Skaggs, or other shops and restaurants. During the winter there was an unfinished reservoir that served as the perfect place to go sledding.

I turned right on Dry Creek Road and immediately saw Tony's Meats. Tony's has been in that location for many years. During my senior year of high school, I actually worked there. My job involved washing dishes, cleaning floors, cleaning the walk-in cooler, making sausage, making ground beef, and helping with deliveries. It was a physical job that didn't pay much; nonetheless, it was an opportunity to learn about hard work. Tony and the gang knew how to work hard and how to run a successful business.

I turned on Eudora Street and there in front of me was Medema Park, a site of many memories. I can't count the number of times I visited that park. We played baseball, basketball, and football there constantly. I recall one day playing basketball at the park. I was there with my brother Steve and my father. One of the girls who lived near the park, April Heinrichs, joined us. If you have paid attention to the sports world, you probably know that April became a world class soccer player, having played and coached the US Women's soccer team. Well, she was a great athlete as a kid too. In fact, she was so athletic and tough, that I made darn sure not to get on her bad side -- the outcome would have been ugly.

Our Home on Fairfax Court 

At the intersection of Eudora and Hinsdale I looked left and right. Not far to my right was the location of the first house we owned in Colorado. To the left was the apartment complex we lived in and further still our third home in the same neighborhood. About a mile or so from my current location is our second house on Dexter Street; the place of most of my childhood memories. I decided to turn right and head to Fairfax court. To this day I remember each of the families who lived on Fairfax court. Among the families were the Beckers, the Blishs, the Floyds, the McClouds, the Stankos (a kind older couple), and the Chaneys. 

[to be continued]

A Peaceful Saturday - Part I

A Sample of Colorado Fall Colors

Yesterday was an unusual day. Over the weekend, the University of Northern Colorado hosts a special weekend for family and friends. Jordan is in his freshmen year so we wanted to be there to enjoy the campus and time with him. There was one catch though -- I am neutropenic.

According to Wikipedia, neutropenia is a "hematological disorder characterized by an abnormally low number of neutrophils, the most important type of white blood cells in the blood. Neutrophils usually make up 50-70% of circulating white blood cells and serve as the primary defense against infections by destroying bacteria in the blood. Hence, patients with neutropenia are more susceptible to bacterial infections and, without prompt medical attention, the condition may become life-threatening."

Given this condition, I have to be very careful what I am exposed to. Among other things, I have to avoid contact with children or people who are sick. Unfortunately, public places like college campuses, do not allow me to control my environment. At the Family and Friends weekend at UNC, there are large numbers of people and the risk for me would be high. So my choice was clear; stay home and let Katie and Lisa join Jordan in Greeley.

That meant that I had an entire day to myself and not a great deal to do. I decided to make the best of it. After breakfast, I took a long walk. Walking is now my primary form of exercise. Since leaving the hospital, I have gradually increased the distance I walk each day. Yesterday, my morning walk was four miles long. I walked from my home to the Trails Recreation Center and back. The weather was absolutely beautiful and I enjoyed every moment in the sun and cool air.

Neighborhood Trees

As my walk ended, I crested a hill and approached my house. Outside I saw my neighbors Andy and Tom busy doing yard work. Andy's yard was freshly mowed and trimmed. I looked at my yard and noticed it was also freshly mowed and trimmed. I knew immediately what had happened -- Andy had mowed my yard. I thanked Andy for his kindness and Tom crossed the street to join us. A couple weeks earlier, Tom had volunteered to blow out my sprinklers when he did his. By doing this, he would save me $60. Tom let me know that he planned on doing that on Sunday. After many thank yous, I left my good friends and entered the house. I can't tell you how blessed I felt. My neighbors consistently practice something that Jesus called his followers to; love your neighbor as yourself.


My walk had really sapped my strength so I needed to eat. I heated up some leftovers pasta and chicken, and sipped Gatorade. During my walk I contemplated what I might do next. I decided to take a drive back to my old stomping grounds and reflect on my early years.

The drive from my house to my old neighborhood takes about 15-20 minutes. I currently live in the southern most part of Aurora and grew up in eastern Littleton. Getting out of the house and having some freedom felt good. On most days I spend the majority of my time in the house. My great escapes include trips to the doctor's office and daily walks. Not exactly an exciting existence.

[ to be continued ]

Good News

In the Midst of Trials There is Good News

During the last 2 1/2 weeks much has happened. I have most certainly undergone some trials, but also there has been some very good news.

1) I found out that I not only had one perfect match but two! Of those two, the chosen donor matches me on 10 of of 10 critical criteria (HLA antigens), has the same blood type (B- which is rare) and is CMV- like me. I couldn't ask for a better match. God is good!

2) My dates for preparation and the transplant have been set! That is terrific news. My BMT Coordinator has confirmed the dates. God is good!

3) I have undergone many tests and they all came out positive. They have checked my heart, brain, lungs, and abdominal organs. Everything looks good! God is good!

4) I had to spend some time in the hospital and during that time I learned a great deal about how to manage myself. I have to eat. I have to get up and exercise. I have to work closely with the doctors and nurses. I have to make every effort to get sleep. I need to keep a positive attitude. My hospital stay was like a pre-transplant bootcamp. God is good!

5) I was struggling with a persistent fever and one night I felt convicted that I needed to pray with Lisa and ask specifically for healing. I also asked my father to pray for the same things. That night I saw the last of my fever and it hasn't returned since. God is good!

6) Well before I knew about my illness, I had been crying out to God for change in my life. I wanted to be transformed, know him better, and see his work -- these things are all happening. I feel like God has taken my illness and used it to not only transform me but many people around me. God is good!

There are so many circumstances that have come together in wonderful ways. There are so many people who have been there for me and my family. My greatest challenge is to see the amazing things God is doing, believe that He is going to get me through this, and praise Him so everyone can hear and see.

So, today you hear and see. All of the prayers that have been lifted up on my behalf have been heard. God is clearly at work.

I would like all of you to continue to pray. Pray that I would remain healthy and that the transplant process and the recovery afterwards will go well.

My Journey Through A Health Crisis (6)

Trouble has Arrived

A couple weeks ago I told my oncologist that I was amazed that I hadn't gotten sick despite my poor white blood cell counts. He said, "don't get cocky." I responded, "No way. I am trying to be very careful. If anything, I may be a bit paranoid."

Unfortunately, my string of luck came to an abrupt end. Either I failed in some detail or the inevitable occurred. On September 18th and 19th I was feeling very tired and had the sense my body was trying to fight something off. On September 20th, things began to degrade quickly.

When I got up, I had a nasty headache. Lisa got me a couple Tylenol and I felt better rather quickly. I took a walk to the local Starbucks, purchased a Grande Coffee and headed back home to start the business day. I got some wonderful news first thing that morning from my bone marrow coordinator -- I not only had one perfect match but two! I was so elated and feeling blessed beyond my wildest imagination.

As I worked, I felt cruddy but I was riding on the high that I had a donor. As I worked on my software project, Lisa prepared the house for visitors. Katie was throwing an "Orange Party." Orange is the color for Leukemia. Katie's idea was to have her friends color a strip of their hair orange in support of me and other people suffering from leukemia. They had orange cupcakes, and orange ribbons for their hair. Their was a bowl full of LiveStrong bracelets for anyone who wanted one. A sweet friend of mine, Marissa Mentz, was willing to do all of the hair coloring for free.

As the party drew closer I headed upstairs to bed -- I could sense that I was getting sick, and it was moving rapidly. If my temperature reaches 100.4, I have been instructed to go directly to the emergency room. I began taking my temperature every few minutes. Steadily my temperature increased and eventually reached the magic number. Just to be sure, I used another thermometer and the fever was confirmed.

I put on some clothes (chilling badly), and headed downstairs to talk to Lisa. People were just arriving for the party and I needed to be taken to the emergency room. My sister-in-law Linda volunteered to take me and on arrival I was admitted quickly. I was put in a cool room, hooked up to a machine that could monitor blood pressure, O2 levels, and pulse. I remained uncovered and shivered uncontrollably as a nurse prepared an IV. After some difficulties, the nurse was able to get an IV in draw blood for cultures, and run fluids. As these things occurred, my body shook. Finally, the nurse was able to cover me up and supply me with a substantial dose of Tylenol. For some unknown reason, I was also suffering from severe abdominal cramps. After a couple hours, the cramps disappeared and never returned. The doctor who evaluated me took blood for cultures, a urine sample, and administered a strong anti-biotic intravenously (Levaquin).

After several hours in the emergency room, my temperature fell and I was sent home. I felt confident that we had addressed the problem and I was going to feel fine. I was wrong -- very wrong. I had only experienced the tip of the iceberg. In the days ahead, I would be pushed to my physical, mental, and emotional limits.

My Journey Through a Health Crisis (5)

What Can I Do?

I cannot tell you how many people I've talked to who have said, "If you need anything, please let me know" and "I am praying for you." At first I didn't have the foggiest idea what to ask for, but I've always been happy to hear when an authentic person says that they will pray for me and my family. In fact, I would take the prayer of a genuine soul over any worldly thing you could give me. What that translates to is very simple; I am in God's hands and your prayers matter.

Since my diagnosis I have learned quite a bit. One thing that became crystal clear from the beginning is that I am incapable of handling this situation on my own. I need my family. I need my friends. I need members of my church (past and present). I need doctors. I need nurses. I need a donor. I need God. We were made to be interdependent not independent. Trying to handle this on my own would be either ignorant, prideful or both. So, I am reaching out to all of you who care and saying, "help me."

What I have found is that most people have a deep desire to help but they do not know what to do. Lisa and I have talked about this on numerous occasions and have come to some conclusions. First off, we were in the same boat not long ago. We wanted to help people in need but really struggled to know what to do. I have to admit that in some circumstances our ignorance led to paralysis -- we did nothing. In other instances, as well-meaning as we were, we did the wrong thing. I am thankful to say that in some instances, we found some way to reach out and make a difference. Now that I have had time to consider our situation, I know what you can do to help.

1) Write Me - nothing brightens my day more than a card or letter of encouragement. I would absolutely love to know your thoughts, your prayers, and your insights. I am also very interested in your lives and what is going on. I would love to write you back and provide encouragement for you as well.

2) Write Lisa, Jordan and Katie - I have suffered in some ways emotionally and physically since my diagnosis, but nothing has had a more profound affect on me than seeing my family suffer. If you want to know what keeps me up at night, it is the feeling of powerlessness when I cannot be the friend at school for Katie and Jordan or I cannot be the person who consoles Lisa and allows her to pour her soul out. If you do nothing else, be there for my family. Fill our mailboxes to overflowing with cards and letters.

• To write to Jordan or send a college care package (you know college kids):

Jordan Doucette

Room 3G

Lawrenson Hall

Greeley, CO 80631

3) Be a Donor - since the beginning I wanted this illness to be a life altering gift to me and to people near and far. One way I know I can make a difference is by raising awareness of the need for bone marrow donors and blood donors -- I cannot survive, nor can people like me without donors (short of the miraculous of course). You can go to www.marrow.org and find out everything you need to know about being a marrow donor.

4) Help Me Arrange a Donor Event - I only have so much time and physical strength but one of my greatest desires right now is to put together a top notch event that encourages people to become donors, educates people, and raises funds to subsidize the costs to support the national marrow registry. At Yale University an event was held that led to 1400+ students being added to the registry (2009). They had a second event this year as well. This may sound absurd, but I'd like to work with you readers to put together an event that leads to 2010 people taking the step to become donors.

5) Pray - whether you believe in God or are willing to reach out to the possibility that there is a God, I covet your prayers (I think that is one thing I am allowed to covet). To this point I have had strength and courage beyond reason and I attribute it to the prayers of all of you. Keep it up!

6) Preparing Our Home - if I do find a donor, I will be in the hospital for 4 weeks or more. When I do go into the hospital, our home will need to be prepared for my return. The house must be cleaned thoroughly. This will involve:

• Cleaning carpets
• Cleaning surfaces
• Carpet removal and tile in our bathrooms
• Cleaning appliances (inside and out)
• Cleaning our ducts
• Ridding our home of unnecessary clutter and junk
• Ongoing cleaning of our home (Lisa is will need to arrange for assistance for a full year as I recover and cannot assist)

Many of these things we can do ourselves. Some of these things you may be able to help with. We need to get ourselves organized and have a plan when the "fun" begins.

7) Visit - if you aren't sick, I'd love to see you (1 or 2 people at a time). I know that Lisa and the kids would love to see you as well. My immune system is compromised right now so I don't get out much. Since I don't get out, my family often feels obliged to stay home with me (not necessary but they are so kind).

• Football Fans - come watch a Bronco game with me and talk smack about Fantasy football (yes Kyle, Mike, and Michelle -- bring it on!)
  
  
• Theologians, Philosophers, etc. - I love discussions that go deep. Drop by.
  
  
• Coffee Drinkers - now and then I like to get out and share a cup of coffee with a friend.
  
  
• Lunch Buddies - go out with Lisa or Katie and have some food and fellowship together.
  
  
• High School Friends - be there for Katie (games, lunch-time, school events, sleepovers, etc.)

I know I can count on all of you. Many of you have already come through in amazing ways. Some of you were waiting for permission but just didn't know what to do. Now you know.

My Journey Through a Health Crisis (4)

The Roller Coaster Ride

Two weeks ago, testing kits were sent to my brothers and sister to find out if any of them would be a good match for the stem cell transplant. Once they received their kits, they wasted no time getting tested and overnighting the kits back to Denver.

Testing can return preliminary results in as little as three days. What you find out is not whether you have matched anyone, but whether anyone has been eliminated. Apparently they test for six specific characteristics and you want to see a match on all six of them. All of us waited anxiously for news.

Last week Monday (8/26) was a long day. I started my chemotherapy, had blood drawn, and worked a full day. Early that evening we were winding down when the phone rang; it was Pat, a specialist assigned to guide me through the transplant process. We had been anxiously awaiting her call with the test results for my siblings. As it was explained to me, each of my siblings had a 1 in 4 chance of matching. If I understand statistics, that should mean that I have a 75% chance of matching one of them (1/4 + 1/4 + 1/4 = 3/4).

As soon as we knew it was Pat calling, Lisa and I quickly moved into our office, shut the door, and put the phone on speaker. I think my heart started to beat faster and harder as I listened to Pat. Pat gave us unexpected news -- none of my siblings were a match. In fact, my brother Steve was the closest match and he only matched 4 of the 6 criteria. Further, Pat explained that none of us would be a good match for any of the others. I immediately got very quiet as my wife began to ask a series of questions she had written down.

I don't really know how to explain my emotions at the time. In a way I guess I felt a sense of doom. During the last several weeks the majority of the news I heard was negative. Before hearing about the test results, I was hopeful that one of my siblings would be a good match --after all, the odds certainly seemed in my favor. When I heard that none of them matched, I began to wonder if the end result was a foregone conclusion. Luckily, the conversation with Pat was not all bad news.

There are multiple ways of getting bone marrow stem cells. You can get them from a relative, from the umbilical cords of new born babies, or from a donor on the national registry. Pat was good enough to search the list for potential matches prior to calling. She informed us that she had found several candidates and would begin the process of identifying a donor.

After getting off the phone with Pat, I called my parents. As we talked, my mother called my sister Shiela who subsequently called my brothers Steve and Bob. Everyone in the family took the news very hard.

My brother Steve and I exchanged emails the next day. I told Steve that I felt like God was pushing me inch by inch closer to a precipice and as he did he was asking me, "Do you trust me?" My answer, "Yes Lord, I do."

I haven't always been able to express to people the internal state that I am striving for. A young woman I know posted a facebook status that referenced lyrics from a song I really like. The song is called, While I'm Waiting, by John Waller. The song took on entirely new meaning in my current context.

Here is a link to the song if you would like to understand my inner world a little better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3b2jw1rjBc&feature=related

I have so much more I want to write, however, I felt like I needed to update all of you who have been waiting for news.

My Journey Through a Health Crisis (3)

Chronology

October 24, 2009 - competed in the Colorado Natural Bodybuilding Championships. My 2009 preparation for the show went well but things seemed a bit off.

January 2010 - in the latter part of the month, I recall really struggling to do cardio that normally would not have been difficult.

March 2010 - struggling to handle spinning class, problems with shortness of breath and lightheadedness during intense weight training

June 19-30 2010 - during the Maui trip I felt lethargic and often lightheaded. I also became intolerant to cold, susceptible to illness, and irritable.

July 1-2 2010 - feeling much better than I felt on our trip to Maui. I am speculating that the environment in Maui was challenging my immune system.

July 12, 2010 - my brother-in-law was admitted into the hospital due to heart attack symptoms. The doctors confirmed that he did indeed have a heart attack and other health issues requiring immediate attention. That event convinced me that it was time to see a doctor myself.

July 15, 2010 - initial visit to family doctor. My doctor found signs of anemia and ordered extensive blood tests.

July 16, 2010 - paid a visit to Quest Diagnostics after an all night fast. I think they took somewhere between 8-10 vials of blood.

July 17, 2010 - I worked out hard in the morning and the got ready to see a movie with Jordan. I showered, took off a CIY wrist band and put on my LiveStrong wrist band. Within two minutes a doctor associated with the lab called and told me I had a very concerning blood test. He asked me how I was feeling, if I felt feverish, or if I had been having problems with bleeding. I replied that I had not. He said that I should rest over the weekend and go to the emergency room if I had any unusual symptoms. He also mentioned that my red blood cell, white blood cell, and platelet counts were all very low.

July 19, 2010 - I got a phone call from my doctor and he explained the possibilities. Most of the possibilities were very frightening. He arranged an appointment with an oncologist immediately.

July 20, 2010 - met with an oncologist, had 10-12 more vials of blood taken, and a bone marrow sample taken. The diagnosis is beginning to look like aplastic anemia, myelodysplastic syndrome, and various forms of leukemia including acute myeloid leukemia; each of these represents a significant risk to my life and will more than likely requires a bone marrow transplant.

July 22, 2010 - probably one of the most miserable days of my life. My doctor told me he would call as soon as he got information regarding my bone marrow test. He didn't call so all sorts of things went through my mind. I wondered if he had really bad news that he needed to tell me face to face. I had spent quite a bit of time researching things and that only made matters worse. I never received a call. I was deeply troubled, very sad, and afraid. I read Psalm 20 several times and prayed. The next day I spoke to a good friend named Andy. Andy listened to what I had to say about the experience. He came back later and said, it reminds me of what Jesus experienced in the Garden of Gethsemane.

‎"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.

I remember thinking those same thoughts. God if there is any other way, please take this from me. If not, please give me the strength to endure whatever comes in a manner that honors you and is an example of how one ought to endure difficult trials.

July 23, 2010 -my oncologist tells me that all indications are that I have myelodysplastic syndrome. He educated me on the disease and talked about how we would know how advanced the disease was and how it is categorized. He also talked to me about an article he read in the New Yorker. The article was about people with terminal illnesses that continue treatment when there is no hope. I wasn't exactly clear what message he was trying to send me. I decided that he must have been trying to help me understand the possibilities and prepare myself and my family for the worst case scenarios. I had blood drawn and it was determined that I was severely anemic and required a blood transfusion. My hemoglobin measurement was 6.5 where a normal male my age would have a value between 14 and 18. I was sent to the hospital for typing.

July 24, 2010 - I spent 5 hours in a hospital getting the first blood transfusion of my life. It is my son's birthday and I am really missing being with him. He bought me an excellent book to read and got me some dark chocolate raisinettes to eat. During the 5 hour procedure I read, slept, wrote in my journal, conversed with the nursing staff, and reflected. I recall looking up at the pouch of B- blood dripping into my IV. I was so incredibly thankful for the person who was willing to donate blood to help people like me. I was also convinced that I had to do something to help people suffering from diseases like MDS and Leukemia. I began thinking that I would love to arrange a drive to get people to give blood and be marrow donors on the national registry. I also had a daydream. In my daydream I envisioned myself alone standing in front of an enormous dragon. In my dream I knew I had no hope of winning. I also knew that this wasn't the whole story. My daydream continued and legions of people joined me. Among them were family members, friends, doctors, nurses, anonymous donors, and God. I had an army and with that army I knew I could win the fight. Maybe this sounds odd, but contemplating this brought tears to my eyes. At times throughout the day nurses checked on me and talked with me. By the end of the day I felt like I had made two friends. Both of the nurses said that they would be happy to donate marrow if I needed it.

You know there are times when I wonder, 'where are the good people in this world?' Now I know that they are all around me.

July 29, 2010 - my oncologist calls and leaves a message confirming the diagnosis of myelodysplastic syndrome based on genetics results. He tells me to expect a call from another doctor who specializes in bone marrow transplants. We didn't receive any other calls that day.

July 30, 2010 - my oncologist discusses the disease and explains the likely treatment. I have more blood drawn and the results indicate that I do not need another blood transfusion (hemoglobin at 8.8). I do not receive a phone call from the bone marrow transplant doctors office so I call them myself. No appointment scheduled.

August 2, 2010 - I do not hear about an appointment so I call my oncologist's office. They do what they can to move the process along. Late in the day I finally get a call but I am not scheduled for an appointment.

August 3, 2010 -I finally received a call and an appointment is made for August 11th. You may be reading this and asking, 'why are you telling me all this detail about arranging an appointment with the transplant doctor?' Well it is very simple. The disease I have, myelodysplastic syndrome, can develop into a dangerous form of leukemia known as acute myeloid leukemia. My desire is to move quickly and stay ahead of the disease. The other thing that I want to communicate is the importance of doctors, nurses and staff doing what they say they are going to do. Overall I have been very happy with the care I have received. However, the moments I have suffered the most have correlated to unmet expectations.

August 11, 2010 - I had a three hour appointment with the bone marrow specialist. I was very impressed with the doctor and his staff. I was thoroughly briefed on the disease, treatment, schedule, and the resources available to me and my family. We came to the appointment equipped with the necessary information to send test kits to my siblings -- we didn't want any further delay in getting a donor identified. The test kit essentially is a set of instructions and three vials containing heparin for blood samples.

We also learned that the donor DOES NOT have to have bone marrow taken from their hip. Instead, the donor is given shots that produce the necessary stem cells in abundant quantity. After four days (the donor can continue to work), they can take blood, remove the stem cells, and give them to me intravenously. That sure sounds better to me.

I also understood that they will begin a search for a match on the national bone marrow donor registry as soon as possible.

Last but not least, I was told that I will begin chemotherapy immediately. The chemotherapy drug that I will be given has virtually no side affects in most patients. The product is called Vidaza. Here is an article that explains this drug.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/139483.php

August 20, 2010 - I saw my oncologist today and we discussed beginning chemotherapy next week. He would like for me to come in for 7 straight days and receive shots. He prescribed some medicine to help me manage nausea because nausea is a known side effect of Vidaza. Another member of his staff discussed the drug in more detail. She said that most people handle the drug very well. The down side of Vidaza is that initially my blood counts will drop and then hopefully rebound. Given that my counts are already very low, that can be a significant issue. We will have to be very diligent about keeping the house clean and avoiding contact with sick people.

[this post will be updated]