A housekeeper named Luz

During my stay in the hospital I've met many people but there is one person who really stands out; a housekeeper named Luz Savala.  


In my situation, the cleanliness of my environment is paramount because my new immune system is not yet functioning.  The proactive medications I am given, my personal habits, and the cleanliness of my environment are my "armor" so to speak.  I rely on housekeeping to do a good job and ensure that this part of my protection is solid. It is not without interest that I watch the housekeepers who clean my room.  


On most days I have the privilege having Luz do my housekeeping.  From the first day I met her I liked her.  She knocks, enters with a smile, greets me kindly, and then begins her careful work.  As she works, we often have an opportunity to talk.  In order for me to fully understand her, I have to listen very closely -- Luz is originally from Mexico and she speaks in broken English.


During our conversations I have learned several things about Luz.  First, she is a mother of six and has one child, a daughter, who was stricken with Leukemia (my disease is very similar).  Luz is fully aware of the importance of a clean environment for patients like me.  In fact, she told me that she would clean her daughter's room very carefully every single day as her daughter battled the disease (her daughter is a survivor!).  Luz also shared with me that she works 6 and even 7 days a week in order support her family and assist in the payments of her daughter's medicals bills.


When I encounter a woman like Luz I am inspired.  She does not complain -- she works.  She does not give up or give in because her love is too great and her character too strong.  Today Luz shared with me that years ago she became a US citizen.  In my estimation, she is precisely the sort of citizen we need.


Happy Thanksgiving Luz!  I am thankful for you!


Side Note:  My blog now has 4 followers!  Thanks Becca, Susie, Shiela, and Coffee Chick!

Peeking Out the Window

Exercise Bands... woo hoo!

Right now I am sitting in my 3rd floor room at PSL and I can see the tops of trees still adorning a few remaining leaves, blues skies, the top of a pine tree, and various adornments of hospital roof top equipment (vents, generator, pipes).  If I crane my head around I can see other parts of the hospital including the multi-level parking lot.  Doesn't sound interesting?  Well, it beats being in a room and confined to a single fifty-foot corridor (my gymnasium).

Chemotherapy begins... what's ahead?

These first several days have been a wild ride.  There is so much to tell and I just don't have the energy to do so.  However, here are a few highlights.

1. I made it through all my chemotherapy regimen
2. My counts (white blood cell counts) are at zero.  That means my body is no longer capable producing the components of my immune system.  I am therefore carefully guarded and proactively treated with antibiotics, antivirals, and antifungals.
3. I have had the stem cell transplant (11/18).  Right now my  new blood making capability is in its infancy.  The stem cells are finding their homes and will eventually begin multiplying and generating blood cells.
4. The bone marrow (stem cell) drive was a success.  Thanks to all those who volunteered to help.  If I understand right, over 60 people signed up for the registry; more lives given a second chance!
5. I got my FIRST OFFICIAL follower of this blog!!!!

I wanted to thank everyone who has visited http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mikewdoucette and left notes for me.  That has been extremely encouraging an uplifting.  Members of my family have cried when they've read your words.  You have touched us in so many ways.

I will write more when I can.

Ask and you shall receive ...

It is time for me to be very honest.  Not only has this has been a year of physical challenges, but spiritual as well.  I don't know exactly when it started, but I have had a growing sense of discontentment with myself and the life I have been living.  Don't get me wrong, there are many wonderful things in my life.  I have an amazing family and many wonderful friends.  I have a good career and I live comfortably.  Until recently, I have been very healthy.  But there is more to the story.  I have always seen a divide between the man I am and the man I ought to be.  Many years ago I posed a question to a young married Sunday school class.  I asked, "how do we bridge the gap between the people we are and the people God made us to be?"  Clearly I struggled with this problem back then as well.  


At some point in the last several months I cried out to God, "Please God, change me and open a door to a life that is meaningful and pleasing to you.  Show me in some undeniable way that you are there and you are with me.  I am tired of this status quo existence and I am tired of my inability to transform into a truly godly man.  I don't know what I am doing wrong and I don't know how to change.  My repeated attempts have left me broken inside. You are my guiding light, my refuge, and my strength.  Mold me Lord into a man that honors you in all I do."


Despite my weakness, the following verse offered me hope.

Matthew 5:6

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 

I suppose I could say, 'be careful what you ask for.'  This year as you know, I noticed something was wrong.  When I finally got around to seeing the doctor, I found out how wrong things were.  I was diagnosed with a life threatening disease called myelodysplastic syndrome.    


It felt like my world was shaken by a powerful earthquake.  Everything that was built solidly or of real value stood; everything else was laid to waste.  For the first time in my life, I felt like I could not rally, set goals, apply myself and overcome.  I was faced with something that required help from God, family, friends, doctors, nurses, and a donor.  Even then, I had to acknowledge that there was a real possibility that everyone could do the right things and yet I could still be seeing my last days.  I said to one of my friends, "Things become much clearer when you are standing one-hundred feet from the Pearly Gates."


Here are some verses that come to mind.

Matthew 22:36-40 - Love

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Mark 8:34-35 - Selflessness

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ³⁵ For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it.  

Matthew 6:19-21 - True treasure

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:14-15  - Forgiveness

¹⁴ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Romans 1:16-17 - Gospel of Christ

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. ¹⁷ For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”

Starting on July 15th I started to receive bad news.  At first it seemed like it could be something manageable but day after day bad news came in and I began to wonder if the end was a forgone conclusion.  The first news was that I had an obvious issue with the production of blood.  It could be many things from a nutritional problem (unlikely) to various forms of  cancer.  We hoped and prayed it was something simple.  Next, we learned that it was most likely leukemia, myelodysplastic syndrome, or aplastic anemia.  A bone marrow biopsy showed increased levels of blast cells in my marrow and a genetic mutation.  With all that taken into account, my diagnosis was confirmed -- myelodysplastic syndrome.  


I met with my oncologist and learned how to categorize the disease and determine my prognosis.  A person with MDS can be put into one of four categories: low, intermediate one, intermediate two or high.  I consulted a chart, looked at my test results and categorized myself as either intermediate two or high.  I consulted another chart and learned that my life expectancy was anywhere from three months to just over a year.


Before continuing, I want to step back to July 17th.  On July 17th I went to the gym and worked out.  In the back of my mind I wondered how my blood tests would turn out, but I wasn't too concerned.  After my workout I went to Starbucks and got I coffee and talked to many of my friends (and snapped a picture of Maryanne Mentz and her friend).

Maryanne, her friend, and my reflection

I then went home and got ready to go to a movie with Jordan.  I showered, shaved, and got dressed.  I remember that I had a wrist band on for CIY (Christ in Youth); it was a reminder to pray for Jordan and the other kids attending a retreat.  The event had ended and I thought it was time to take the wrist band off.  I opened a drawer, saw my LiveStrong wristband and put it on.  Two minutes later the phone rang -- it was a doctor from Quest Diagnostics who read the results of my blood test.  He was very concerned, asked me a series of questions, told me to take it very easy and go to the emergency room immediately if I began to feel poorly (i.e. fever) or bleed.  My entire family was within earshot when I took the call so I had no choice but to spill the beans.  We were all completely stunned.


We kept the news to ourselves that day.  We did not want to alarm anyone until we had more information.  The next day at church I decided to confide in one person.  I spoke to my good friend Shawn Wells, explained what was happening, and asked him to pray.  As we talked, another dear friend came by and said that she had urgent news she wanted to share with me. This woman is deeply spiritual, completely authentic, and someone I truly respect.  After I was done speaking with Shawn, I immediately sought her out.  The news she gave me was so powerful and so encouraging that I hold onto it to this day.


She told me that she been at the gym the same day I was.  For some reason she felt the need to pray, closed her eyes and did so.  When she opened her eyes she saw me talking to someone and she saw an angel there with me.  She told me that she has seen angels before but most often God told her that what she saw was for her alone.  For some reason the circumstances were different this time -- God impressed upon her to share what she had seen and deliver the message that He was there protecting me.  She knew nothing about my circumstances (we didn't know much either) and yet provided me with the most timely and powerful encouragement I could possibly receive.  My eyes immediately welled up with tears, I kept my composure long enough to say, "I need to go", and I quickly found a place where I could quietly and privately handle a building storm of emotions.  My body shook and the tears began streaming down my face.  I tried as best as I could to subdue the sobs forcing their way out.  For several minutes I contemplated what I had heard the previous day and the message I had just received.  Had God heard my prayer?  Had God decided not only to show himself to me in a powerful way, give me new strength, and put a major obstacle in my path that only he and I together could negotiate?  I believed that he had.  The transformation I had begged God for months before began that day.   

Luke 11:9-10

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ¹⁰ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

A Peaceful Saturday - Part III

Visiting our old neighborhood brings back many memories and I find it curious the things I recall.  Rather than bore you with every detail, I will share some of the more interesting highlights.

Ridgeview Hills Town Homes

When we first arrived in Colorado, we lived in the Ridgeview Hills Town Homes on Hindsdale Place.  I believe we stayed in the town homes for about 6 months during the construction of our home on Fairfax Court.  The town home was the site at which I convinced my brother Steve to say a naughty word and later threatened to tell my parents that he said it.  His logic and reasoning somehow was underdeveloped at the time (he was 4 years old) as he was unable to figure out that I had said the forbidden word several times in the process of coaxing it out of him.  I am pleased to say that this trickery no longer works with Steve.  I am also pleased to say that my sense of right and wrong has developed significantly since then and I no longer tempt children into saying what ought not be said.

Lewis Ames Elementary

The town homes were also home base for my first experiences at Lewis Ames Elementary.  I don't know how I managed it, but I was an outsider from the beginning.  Perhaps it was the fact that I lived in Illinois the year before and relationships were formed during kindergarten.  Perhaps it was the difference in preparation I received; I could tell immediately that the other kids were accustomed to the environment and beyond me academically.  You may wonder why I came to that conclusion.  Well, there are two crucial pieces of evidence.  My first report card was covered with the letter "N" which indicated either Not Satisfactory or perhaps Needs Improvement.  Second, after receiving these stellar marks, I was given a small notebook that I toted to and from school every day.  In that notebook, my first grade teacher (Ms. Gough) recorded how I had behaved.  Poor Ms. Gough, I must have been a handful.  I wonder if she ever thought that I would go on to receive two bachelors degrees, a masters degree, and be a patent holder for a software invention.


Here is an excerpt from the notebook I took to and from school each day.

"Mike was good today.  He is excited because he thinks his bike restriction will be lifted.  I hope so because it is so pretty."   Ms. Gough, 5-21-71

Please note, the above excerpt is by no means representative of the contents of said notebook.  Adjectives such as fussy, excited, talkative, upset, active, and silly were much more common than the term good.


Here is a much more typical excerpt from my first grade notebook.

"Mike was quite active today.  He needed calming down on numerous occasions.  He got into fussing with several near him and had to be sent to his seat ..."  Ms. Gough, 5-24-71

Despite the best efforts of my teachers, I did pick up one habit that I just recently  conquered -- nail biting.  I tried very hard to funnel my energy into my school work and behave.  I tried not to be disruptive but my energy had to go somewhere.  Well, guess where it went?  It went to gnawing on my finger nails relentlessly.  How did I overcome this nasty habit at the age of forty-six?  Well, I figured out that the best way for me to get an infection (something I am now prone to), was to incessantly chew my nails.  Problem solved.  Illness can stop a smoker from smoking and a biter from biting.

[Leave a comment and tell me your thoughts]

An Unexpected Visit

Like Hugging a Man of Steel!

Friday night I was prepared to spend alone.  Jordan had a church retreat, Katie was spending the weekend with cousins and Lisa provided transportation.  Earlier in the day I said goodbye to my sister Shiela and her husband Mark.  Mark was in town to deliver a presentation at the Colorado School of Mines and Shiela took advantage of the opportunity to visit.  We had such a great visit and it was hard to see them go.


Once the house was empty, I heated up some left overs and sat down on my favorite chair in front of the TV.  It must have been a long day because it didn't take long and I was asleep.  After a quick cat nap I sat around watching TV and looking forward to Lisa's return.  Around 7:00 PM the doorbell rang and I answered.  Standing on my front porch were three people; two I knew well, and one I knew from reputation alone.  The two I knew well were my good friends Cameron and Tracy Bodner.  The other visitor was James "Flex" Lewis, one of the top bodybuilders in the world.


I invited them in and Flex gave me a big hug.  We immediately began discussing my disease and how it has affected me.  We also discussed the dream that I would one day be healthy and able to compete one last time.  You might be wondering why I would ever push my body to the extremes that bodybuilding requires.  I will, but only with the blessings of my doctors and for a very specific purpose  -- I would love to show other people suffering from Myelodysplastic Syndrome (MDS) and Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML), that there is hope of recovery and potential for a very healthy future.

Believe to Achieve!

Flex listened and then said with a big smile, "Believe and achieve!"  We talked about many things, snapped several pictures, and Flex gave me signed copies of a photo and DVD (which I watched that night).

A Special Friday Night

When they finally had to go, I felt honored and encouraged.  I also had seen how a young man can be so far beyond his years in terms of maturity and compassion.  Finally, I was so thankful for the love and kindness Cameron and Tracy showed.  To even think of the idea to arrange the meeting, was simply wonderful.  I will remember the day for as long as I live.  It's not so much meeting a celebrity like a professional bodybuilder, as seeing the love and kindness poured out by three very special people.

Matthew 25:40

Close Encounters of the Dog Kind

I'll be taking a brief interlude from my series of posts about my Saturday trip to my old neighborhood. Today I want to talk about an encounter I had with a couple dogs on my daily walk.

Since my MDS diagnosis, my primary form of exercise is walking. I have several routes of varying distances to choose from. I choose my route based on time constraints, weather, and how I feel. Given the right circumstances I will walk 4-5 miles per day.

Yesterday I took my favorite route. I walk from my house to the Trails Recreation Center and back. Along the way I encounter many barking dogs. Normally the dogs are behind fences and no threat to me. However, when I was about 1/2 mile from my house, I came across two dogs that were loose along my path.

The first dog was small, timid, and no apparent threat to me. It peeked its head over a hill, barked at me, but kept its distance. It turns out that dog had a friend -- a far bigger and more aggressive friend. That dog came over the hill and immediately began trotting toward me. You may be thinking, 'the dog probably was just curious or wanting attention.' That may be true but consider my circumstances. I have a blood disease that has drastically lowered my platelet count. That means that if I am bitten and start to bleed, it can be difficult to stop the bleeding. In addition, I have lowered red blood cell counts. That means that my body is inefficient at transporting oxygen. Whenever, I do anything even moderately physical, I immediately go into oxygen deficit. So, if the dog was aggressive, I would only be capable of defending myself for a short time. Finally, my disease lowers my white blood cell counts. If I am bitten, the likelihood of infection is far higher. So, when I saw this dog moving rapidly toward me I felt the adrenaline surge and I immediately had to take some sort of action.

At the time I noticed the larger dog, it was probably 30-40 feet from me. I was walking along Orchard Road and there was a fair amount of traffic. I needed to create a reason for the dog to lose interest in me. I saw that the oncoming traffic was fairly close, but not so close that I couldn't dash to the median half way across the street. I knew that running from a dog wasn't the best way to deter an attack and might even encourage it, but I felt that there was another deterrent that might help -- the oncoming traffic. I dashed across the street to the median and looked back to see what the dog was doing. Thankfully, the dog had stopped right at the edge of the road and was indeed flustered by cars that slowed to a stop a few feet from where the dog was standing. Without delay, I checked the westbound traffic to see if it was safe to continue from the median to the other side of the street. I let a few cars pass and then continued on my way.

The two cars that had stopped were apparently concerned about the dogs. They parked, got out of their cars and tried to handle the situation. I'm not exactly sure what they did, I simply continued on my way, wondering what I might do if this happened again.

I spoke to my sister about the incident and she recommended two things; pepper pray and a 5-iron. So far I am equipped with pepper spray but I am most definitely considering something similar to a 5-iron as well.

If you have dogs, please don't let them run loose. There are kids, people like me, and others that really would rather not have a nasty encounter with a dog. I can tell you right now, if a dog shows anything I can construe as aggression, it's going to get ugly (and I dearly love dogs).

A Peaceful Saturday - Part II

Medema Park

Having had a good lunch I felt energized and ready to go. As I fired up the Explorer and pulled out of our driveway, I was cognizant of the fact that I had hardly driven in 3 months. With that in mind I told myself, 'drive carefully.' As I was leaving my neighborhood I couldn't help but take in the beautiful fall day. The sky was cloudless and an intense blue, and the trees were displaying amazing fall colors like proud peacocks. I took a deep breath, my soul whispered 'thank you' and I continued on my way.

My drive takes me west on Orchard Road, south on Parker, and then west again on Arapahoe. As I drive westward the Rockies are in fully view and standing out majestically against the cloudless Colorado sky. As I pass I-25 and Arapahoe I miss my friends at work. I have spent the last decade working with a group of people who have been like brothers and sisters to me. In fact, I have spent more time with them then just about anyone else. Like brothers and sisters we have had our disagreements, been angry with one another, celebrated great successes, commiserated failures, laughed incessantly, supported one another, played together, prayed together, and just about any other thing you can imagine. From the time I knew I had a serious health problem, my friends at work have been there.

Our Favorite Winter Sledding Spot

As I continue down Arapahoe Road, memories flood my mind; some of them good, some not so good. Before long I approach Holy Street and turn south toward Dry Creek Road. When I was a young man, this area was either part of a farmer's wheat field or undeveloped land. During the summer we played in the fields or traversed them to go to King Soopers, Skaggs, or other shops and restaurants. During the winter there was an unfinished reservoir that served as the perfect place to go sledding.

I turned right on Dry Creek Road and immediately saw Tony's Meats. Tony's has been in that location for many years. During my senior year of high school, I actually worked there. My job involved washing dishes, cleaning floors, cleaning the walk-in cooler, making sausage, making ground beef, and helping with deliveries. It was a physical job that didn't pay much; nonetheless, it was an opportunity to learn about hard work. Tony and the gang knew how to work hard and how to run a successful business.

I turned on Eudora Street and there in front of me was Medema Park, a site of many memories. I can't count the number of times I visited that park. We played baseball, basketball, and football there constantly. I recall one day playing basketball at the park. I was there with my brother Steve and my father. One of the girls who lived near the park, April Heinrichs, joined us. If you have paid attention to the sports world, you probably know that April became a world class soccer player, having played and coached the US Women's soccer team. Well, she was a great athlete as a kid too. In fact, she was so athletic and tough, that I made darn sure not to get on her bad side -- the outcome would have been ugly.

Our Home on Fairfax Court 

At the intersection of Eudora and Hinsdale I looked left and right. Not far to my right was the location of the first house we owned in Colorado. To the left was the apartment complex we lived in and further still our third home in the same neighborhood. About a mile or so from my current location is our second house on Dexter Street; the place of most of my childhood memories. I decided to turn right and head to Fairfax court. To this day I remember each of the families who lived on Fairfax court. Among the families were the Beckers, the Blishs, the Floyds, the McClouds, the Stankos (a kind older couple), and the Chaneys. 

[to be continued]